Withdrawal~

I'm going through withdrawal. I try to block it out by distracting myself with many things, tv shows, fb games, silly humour. It's getting worst with each passing day. It's not a good time for me to be experiencing this though. I have my finals but i can't focus, can't bring myself to study, i just feel so broken inside. It's supposed to get better. I made the correct decision. It had to end. We were just going around in circles and it was time to let go. We both need to experience new things well at least i know i need too. It was so hard cutting the strings, to let go a huge part of me, that has been by my side through thick and thin. We had many ups and downs which are normal in a relationship but somehow it just didn't work for me anymore. I was not perfect in the relationship but neither were you. Honestly speaking, i don't think i even want the perfect guy. Imagine how hard would it be to live up to the standards. I just need to be alone to fix me. 

Truth being told, i'm broken. I'm a lost sheep wondering alone in the dark without my shepherd. A sparrow with a broken wing. A guitar without strings. Wondering aimlessly in life, unable to find a purpose for existing. I am 24 years old this year and still i have no idea what i want to do in life. There must be a reason why i'm here right? 

And yet, i was being a hypocrite. Pretending i had everything figured out while i stood by your side judging and criticizing you. Urging you to better yourself while i acted as if nothing was wrong. As if i had it all figured out and was just waiting for you. Guess i'm a better actress than i thought. Maybe i should pick up drama. yeah right. 

Conclusion is i'm broken and there's only one person who can fix me. I'm the only one who can fix me, i need to love myself first before i can even start loving others. It's a long journey and i'm not 100% sure that i'll make it. I'll just have to wait and see.

*To you know who, it's very unlikely that you will read this but i need you to let go. Let go so i can be free. You deserve so much better than a self centered, manipulative person. Go find someone sweet and kind, someone who is a match with you. I need you to move on so i can stop feeling guilty for hurting you by letting you go. This is my last selfish request of you. You'll always have a special part inside of me but it's just not meant to be*

Till next time~
*today's lollipop flavour is peach*  

Passion?

Determination, motivation, two crucial factors that help shape our life. This is what i have been told over and over for as long as i can remember. Strive for something, achieve something. But don't you have to be passionate about something to actually be motivated and determined to strive for something? Doesn't it come hand in hand with motivation? You have the passion for something that's why you're motivated and are determined to achieve what you are passionate about.

My dad has always said that passion will follow later on in life. When you set down a road, you will learn to love it, learn to be passionate about it. I know my own faults, i don't blame anyone but myself on the current path that i'm now dwindling on. Was there something i could have done differently? Most certainly. Is it too late? Definitely. So what i need to do now is to accept the facts and try as hard as possible to finish this road and hopefully start on another path, this time of my own choosing. I tell myself that everyday but somehow i can't seem to get motivated.

I need a way to motivate myself. I've tried telling myself that if i finish this then i'll be able to do whatever i want. Truth be told, i don't even feel like finishing. I just wanna pack my bags and go backpacking around the world. Maybe it these thoughts that are filing my head make it harder for me to be motivated.

maybe all these are just excuses for my laziness.. who knows? *winks*


See yah~
*today's lollipop flavour is watermelon*  

Decision making~

I bet all of us have had to make decisions that will change the rest of our lives. 
How do you know whether the decision u made was the correct one?
What if you realised that you made the wrong choice but it's too late to change your mind?
Because sometimes the decision we made are often linked with others and indirectly change their life too. A decision made has a ripple effect and it's not easy undoing it. Can you live with yourself knowing that you made the wrong decision? In reality there's no such thing as a magic wand or a time machine that will allow you to go back into time. Therefore making important decisions requires time to think each decision thoroughly. Although it is hard as we seldom have a clear vision regarding the aftermath of our decisions. We always believe that we know all the events that will happen in regards to our decisions but life doesn't work that way. We are unable to foresee all that will happen. 

That's why when i'm faced with a decision, i usually take a lot of time. I sit and brood, spend a few days thinking about it. Talk to different people to get their different views. Someone once told me that by doing this i was inflicting more stress upon myself and told me to just follow my instincts. Why make life so much more difficult that it already is? I sat there listening quietly wondering whether he was right. Maybe i was over thinking it, maybe just maybe i should make decisions on what felt right at the moment. No more thinking about the consequences, no more having to wait a few days for my decision. But somehow, in the back of my mind, i wonder if he had misunderstood me. I wasn't talking about minor decisions that will have a slight impact, as a matter of fact, i was talking about major decisions that will have a huge impact. How can one make these decisions based on what felt right at the moment? Especially decisions that will effect others, don't we need to take them into consideration? 

When i'm faced with making a decision, i need people to let me be and don't push me. I'm a pushover and am easily influence to follow if not given the necessary time and space. I realised that i have done the exact same thing regarding a decision i made not too long ago. I'm determined to take back the rein and set him free. I just hope that i stay strong and not crumble like those other times that i have before. It's a selfish thing to do by holding on to him and as my bestie told me "A clean break is key".


Until next time~
*today's lollipop flavour is cheery*  

Old page, new me~

I've come to realised that i have missed blogging and have decided to come back to it. There's just something about this that lures me in. A thrill in knowing that there a chance, a tiny speck of hope that someone out there is reading and understands what i'm going through. I have come to learn that i socialise better with virtual friends and i'm still socially awkward around people. Does that mean i have a disability? Well, that's a story for another time. 

I must admit, looking back at my much older post i sometime cringe at the things that i wrote. However that was who i was, a part of me that will never go away. No matter how much i whined, complained, i was actually pretty lucky as a matter of fact. I have people who loved me and that's actually not too bad compared to others. I now realise that i often compared myself with those who were more fortunate than me. Is it in one's nature to always want more than what we have? 

Now 2 years have passed and i must say that my life has changed, not drastically but with a significant impact. I've learned to forgive and forget. I'm still very judgmental but i'm working on that. Still socially awkward but not as bad as i used to be. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet instead of constantly leaning on someone. I still fall down but it feels good to stand up on my own but i'm still in training wheels. There's still a part of me that won't let go of the old me. I still hold on to the one thing that ties me back to my old life. Am i'm holding on to him because i'm scared i may never find someone again or is it something else? 

As you can see, i still have many issues to sort out in my life and it feels good to air them all out but i guess this is somewhat similar as "Airing my dirty laundry in public" but it's liberating and this gives me some pleasure and release. 

Peace out~

*today's lollipop flavor is apple*  

New layout!

Since someone commented that my previous layout looked goth and emo so i decided to cheer it up a little. Then i realized that blog spot has a new design template which is quite easy to use especially for poor color coordinated people like myself. ;-p

I found this layout which is quite cute and like it very much. Paws.. ^.^ I was a bit disappointed when they didn't have lollipops which will go well with my blog title but this works just fine.

So i know i haven't been blogging recently (been kinda busy with a new sem) and the previous posts were kinda negatives so hopefully with a change of scenery may cheer up my blog. I have lots to say but if i say it here i may have to censor some things out as they may hurt people so i'll just go with the flow and see where it takes me.

So i guess that's all for now. Will try to keep it updated but no promises... (*winks*)

Ps: is it me or is my blog bigger somehow? lolz...

drowning but still holding on.... barely...

I feel i'm in the wrong line,

i've never liked maths, calculations, or even 2+2....

and yet here i am doing the thing i have to do, supposed to do.

I'm in a sinking ship still trying to hold on, but now i'm wondering should i just let go?

Will it be difficult?

Will i regret this decision?

What if a rescue boat comes a second too late?

It's only a decision, a simple one i've been told,

however it is one that will not only change my life

but practically affect the lives of everyone around me.

If i were to decide what my heart decides,

will i be selfish?

will i be cruel?

Some may say it's a difficult decision to make,

some say it's an easy one.

Just follow ur heart, ur dreams, ur imagination.

I'm afraid it's not that simple...

oh, how i wish it was.

You have no idea how badly i wish it would be simple,

if only you had an inkling of how i felt...

I've been pushing this issue far behind in my mind until it had to jump in my face and say i'm still here....

...Deal with me it said....

As i've mention, if only it were that easy....

I often wonder what life would be like.....

If i had chosen differently,

stood by my decision instead of bending like a willow tree...

so pathetic, such a disgrace...

If only i had stayed true to myself,

alas, it can only be a dream.... out of my grasp no matter how high or far i reach for it.

Believe me, i've tried... and only succeeding in failure.

I've always been fond of reading, writing, ever since i was a young lass...

How could u have not seen that?

wasn't it obvious enough?

My collection of books?

My diary full of short stories and poems?

Lyrics and songs?

To talk of such things, it is a taboo...

never to be mention, spoken, nor even thought upon...

like a fairytale, of dragons and demons or witchcraft...

only to be enjoyed upon never to be taken seriously...

But alas, what's the use of thinking better yet mentioning these thoughts aloud?

It's over, finish, finito, fin....

It will have to be erased from my mind, from my thoughts, and from my soul...

As i once heard, nobody said it would be easy...

Yet, i still wonder what would i've done if i knew then what i know now?

As a line of lyric taken from one of my favorite song:

"if we could only turn back time, but i guess we'll never know"

Time After Time

Nice Song. I love the lyrics and i'm trying to learn the strumming patterns for it. Wish me luck. *smiles*

Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion -
Is nothing new
Flashback - warm nights -
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories,
Time after -

Sometimes you picture me -
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said -
Then you say - go slow -
I fall behind -
The second hand unwinds

Chorus:
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time

Repeat Chorus

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows - you're wondering
If I'm O.K.
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time -

Chorus

You said go slow -
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

Chorus
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Love love love it!!! hehe...

My love...

Love ~ is it all it's cranks up to be?

How can it go from sweet to sour with just a few words?
Can that special person really bring out the best in you?
If that someone is so special then why can they be replaced?
If they were taken away suddenly, will we drown in tears?


I've heard many people say that they are very in love and will not part,
How can that be, I wonder quietly in the silence of the night sky.
As the moon shone brightly in the sky surrounded by her partners, the stars,
It was precisely at that moment when it all dawn on me like a meteor shower.


I wanted to feel what love was like, wanted desperately to feel what they felt,
Wondering how it would feel having his arms around me for the very first time,
Would it be warm, would i feel safe in your arms, would i ever want you to let me go,
For the first time in my life could i trust and love someone else than myself?


Surrounded by all these thoughts, all these feelings that were all new to me,
I laid back on the smooth, soft green grass and gazed into the wondrous night,
It just so happened that i was greeted by a wishing star shooting through the night sky,
I closed my eyes and made a wish, a wish so pure as it came sincerely from my heart.


His image floated through my mind,
His captivating smile, his hazel brown eyes,
It was then when i realized that he was the one,
My knight in shinning armor, my prince on a white horse.

This was something that i wrote a long long time ago.
Was looking through my old posts and discovered this.
It's sappy and quite common but i love what it represents
and i hold this closely to my heart.

Love you lots baby!

My sis's b'day...

Last Sunday, we celebrated my eldest sis's 30th b'day.
We though it would be special if we cooked a three course meal for her as she has always been the one preparing our meals.
However, most of the cooking was courtesy of Chef Jamus Teo. hehe...
I can cook but i can guarantee that my end result will not be as nice as his. :-p

My bro was our waiter for the night. hehe...
So for the 1st course we prepared a home made salad, even the dressing was home made!
Was not bad and for the second course we had kebabs and bacon cream cheese skewers. Mouthwatering... hehe...
For the main course we had grilled chicken with cream mushroom sauce... it was to die for...
Although due to some technicalities on my part, the chicken was a bit too oriental for the sauce.
My bad but it was superb anyway.
For dessert, i made a strawberry cheesecake which thank goodness was one of the best cheesecake i've ever made... However the best was yet to come...

After we've eaten, my dad asked me to give my sis her present and guess what we bought her?
A E72 nokia phone. Damn nice wei. Looks like a blackberry. hehe...
My dad actually gave me a RM 800 budget but becky and i thought we should chip in and buy her a better phone as she is a lawyer... I even got my brother to chip it RM 60! *smiles*
My sis actually cried when she saw the phone, she was so touched!
Little did she know, on her actual b'day which was on Wednesday, she told me that her bf of 9 years also bought her a hand phone. Oh my, should have synchronized with him...
Never mind though, i hope they came up with a solution though. hehe...

Overall it was very fun and it brought my family members closer and gave Jamus a chance to show off his skills. I was very proud of him when my family members sang his praises. hehe...
At least i know that he is accepted in my family which is a huge relief for me. :-)

So that's that. Until next time.... Adios...

New things in my life...

My my, it has been so long since i wrote anything here. hehe...
There goes my new year resolution.
Damn it's always like this,
I sit down figure out the things i want to do,
Things to achieve, but i never stick to it.
Lack of motivation? Laziness?
I suppose it's a large glass of laziness with a sprinkle of procrastination.

I know i have to change but it's definitely easier said than done.
I have a very easy life, a good family, good education,
But it seems like i'm just throwing it all away,
Do i appreciate all the things in my life?
Of course i do!
However, most of the time i feel like i need more.
I admit it, i crave for more.

More from my loving family,
More from my loving boyfriend,
More from my caring friends,
Damn, i sound like an ungrateful brat... *sighs*
And i hate it!

Is there a cure for me?
Am i a lost ship waiting for a lighthouse to guide me home?
Or am i a sinking ship being ripped apart bit by bit by the strong current?
Great, now i sound whiny... *sighs*

Hmm... reading back on what i've just wrote,
I've just realized that no matter how good my life is,
If i do not learn to appreciate it, sooner or later it will all disappear.
I've got to get a hold of my self and as my dad used to say to me,
Pull my socks up and look forward and overcome all these feelings inside of me.

Same old same old...

*blows* *blows*

Just blowing off the dust collected in this blog... haha... (ya i know, cold joke...)
wow, my last blog was like in may, my god it's been so long...
Well, lots of things have changed and some things have stayed the same...
some people have moved on to bigger and better things while i'm still here wondering where i fit...
but it's ok cause i'm surrounded by people who love me and am counting my blessings...
though there are times where i just wanna let go and just run wild... haha... (yeah rite...)


Seriously, what changes a person? I know this person who recently said that they have found the light, the right road to take, like suddenly they know what they need and wish to do good to others without taking anything. Yet they still end up doing nothing...
Hypocritical? maybe. Emotional? most likely. Bull shitting? definitely.
Maybe i'm being to harsh on them, but let's just wait and see if history repeats itself.


Anyway, why do i always round up useless and lazy people for my assignments? Why must they always wait for someone to push them and ask them to do something? Are they still in kindergarten? Then when things go wrong they ask what should they do? Fix the problems dummies! I do have to concentrate on my studies too you know. I just don't get it, the dateline is getting near but yet they are still not panicking? This really puzzles me...


Well, what to do? All i can do is to try to finish the assignment and pass it up before the dateline..

Free at last !

Phew, this past month has been hectic.
My finals, recording, shooting, bla bla bla...
Finally, everything is over and now i have a picnic, vacation and some quality time to spend. :-)

Ok just to catch up, my finals sucked. Especially financial reporting and accounting, 1st question already didn't know how she wanted us to answer. (T.T)
Anyhow, to more cheerful matters, the band finally finished recording new us.
It was so much fun, Alex has so much input and ideas.

Then the shooting was also fun i had to act as a girl trying to be accepted by her family and friends. haha...
Ernest's course mates had to come down to malacca on Saturday afternoon and started shooting till 4 am and had to wake up at 7 am the next day then continue the shooting and finally wrapped things up around 2am and rushed back to kl.
Thank you for all your help and hopefully you're fully rested by now. :-)

That should be about it and i'll try to update this blog more often...
Now, i'm going to concentrate on making my own melody for my own songs so wish me luck k...

The Banana Boat Song (Day - O)

I love this song... He he...

The banana boat song is a Jamaican folk song that was sung by men who would work on loading bananas on ships.
Their shift ended at daylight and they wanted a Tally Man to come and count their bananas so they could go home.
The song was sung by slaves in banana fields in Central and South America.
It is a Jamaican Folk Song

Day-o, Day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Work all night on a drink a' rum
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Stack banana till the mornin' come
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home

It's six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home

A beautiful bunch a' ripe banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Hide the deadly black tarantula
Daylight come and me wan' go home

It's six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Six foot, seven foot, eight foot BUNCH!
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day...
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Come, Mister tally man, tally me banana
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Day-o, day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home
Day, me say day, me say day, me say day
Me say day, me say day-ay-ay-o
Daylight come and me wan' go home

Bananas!!! Gotta love it rite? :-)

I've been tagged!

A~Z
Courtesy of Shirlyn Goh

A ~ Attached or single? Happily attached... :-)

B ~ Best friend? hmm.... guess...haha...

C ~ Cake or pie? OMG... apple pie is so so so good... Yum Yum...

D ~ Day of choice? Definitely friday...

E ~ Essential item? deodorant! haha..dun wanna smell stinky.. ;-p

F ~ Favorite colour? Purple!!!

G ~ Gummy bears or worms? Gummy bears hands down...

H ~ Home town? hmm.... i'm torn between batu pahat and melaka....

I ~ Favorite Indulgence? Ben & Jerry's Ice cream...

J ~ January or July? July...

K ~ Kids? Adore them...

L ~ Life isn't complete without? me books!! haha...

M~ Marriage date? after i completed my acca...

N ~ Number of magazines subscriptions? none. i buy them when i feel like it...

O ~ Oranges or apples? Both but i love grapes and peaches better...

P ~ Phobias? my ego's too big to have any phobias... (not a good habit)

Q ~ Quotes? hmm... not sure wor....

R ~ Reasons to smile? to make me happy??

S ~ Season of choice? hmm... i haven't actually seen autumn but it's my favorite season... it feels so mellow...

T ~ Tag five people. *Edwin*Chee Hwee*Ariel*ZiJing*Marianne*

U ~ Unknown fact about me? if i tell then it won't be unknown anymore now would it? haha...

V ~ Vegetable? cucumber and tomatoes... hehe...

W~ Worse habit? my sarcastic sense of humour....

X ~ X-ray or ultrasound? dun understand what this means.... -.-"

Y ~ Your favorite foods? tasty food!!

Z ~ Zodiac? Virgo and proud to be one!!! XD
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7 random facts about me....

One ~ i'm very shy...

Two ~ i have a huge collections of comics and storybooks...

Three ~ i love animals...

Four ~ i'm a twilight freak!!!

Five ~ i stutter when i'm speaking with an unfamiliar person... lame right?

Six ~ i'm a collector of Sweet Valley Books so if you have any and wish to sell
them let me know...

Seven ~ Finally!! haha... i love singing
(the reason why malacca rains very often) XD

I understand....

This is a song i would like to dedicate to a friend of mine.
I will not say who as i know she will know it's for her when she reads this.
Just wanted to let you know that i do not judge you as love really works in mysterious ways.
hope that you can truly find love and happiness...

Foolish by Ashanti

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya treatin me so bad
You said you love me, no one above me
And I was all you had
And though my heart is eating for ya
I can't stop crying
I don't know how
I allow you to treat me this way and still i stay

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby I don't know why ya wanna do me wrong
See when I'm home, I'm all alone
And you are always gone
And boy, you kno I really love you
I can't deny
I can't see how you could bring me to so many tears
after all these years

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Oohhhhh
I trusted you, I trusted you
So sad, so sad
what love will make you do
all the things that we accept
be the things that we regret
too all of my ladies (ladies) feel me

c'mon sing wit me
See, when I get the strength to leave
You always tell me that you need me
And I'm weak cause I believe you
And I'm mad because I love you
So I stop and think that maybe
You can learn to appreciate me
Then it all remains the same that
You ain't never gonna change
(never gonna change, never gonna change)

See my days are cold without you
But I'm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you
See my days are cold without you
Butm hurtin while im with you
And though my heart can't take no more
I keep on running back to you

Baby why you hurt me leave me and desert me
Boy I gave you all my heart
And all you do is tear it up
Looking out my window
Knowing that I should go
Even when I pack my bags
This something always hold me back

My Own

This is something that i put together yesterday.

Feel free to comment k... :-)

My Own

The darkness creeps up from behind me

Swallowing my misery

Releasing waves of agony

Threatens to consume me

I try to push myself away

The fog just pulls me under

Forbidding me to find my way

Across this haze of misery

(chorus)

I've been waiting, been hiding in the darkness,

Always searching for something to call my own,

Discovering that you can see right through me,

I knew i had to have you for my own... ... ...

Before i disappear all alone... ... ...

For years I've wandered all alone,

Stuck in this world of wallowing,

Pretending to have dignity,

To keep me from falling.

When you walked into my life,

Your smile became my sunshine,

Alluring me to find a way,

To be with you eternally.

(chorus)

I've been waiting, been hiding in the darkness,

Always searching for something to call my own,

Discovering that you can see right through me,

I knew i had to have you for my own... ... ...

Before i disappear all alone... ... ...

I watch you sleeping, wondering what you are dreaming,

Is it me you're seeing, oh can you feel me?

(chorus)

I've been waiting, been hiding in the darkness,

Always searching for something to call my own,

Discovering that you can see right through me,

I knew i had to have you for my own... ... ...

Before i disappear all alone... ... ...

Bittersweet memory

Something a good friend of mine asked that made me remember this bittersweet memory.
Why is this memory bitter? It's because i had to break somebody's heart.
Until now, i still believed that i lead him on by being his friend, and i mean close friend.
I still feel that it was my fault and i was very cruel towards him as after that incident we never kept in touch.

We talked about everything and even personal stuff but i did not felt that way about him.
He was a nice, sweet and good looking guy but yet something just didn't click.
Anyway i only knew him for a week and i've been down that road before and it didn't end well
so maybe that experienced influenced my decision.
He was so persistent and did not give up easily.

However this is when this memory turns sweet, because of him i finally realized that the person that i really wanted to be with. I gathered all my courage and asked this person if he felt anything for me. Surprisingly, the feeling was mutual and we became an item...
After that i told him that i was involved but he didn't believed me until he saw us together.
I know, i know, i'm a cold hard B***H but what else could i have done?

Now it has been five years since that incident and i do not noe what happened to you but i hope that you have met someone who deserves you and will appreciate you for the person that you are.

I know that you will probably never come across this but i'm sorry for the way our friendship ended and am forever grateful as if you weren't so persistent, i may not have spent 5 loving years with my bie....

...Thank You from the bottom of my heart...

The Twilight Saga

On Monday, i finally saved up enough money to buy the four books.
I went to Jusco's popular to buy them when too bad they only had Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse.
So i bought the three books and winced a bit at the price (RM 120++) but i knew it'll be worth it.
I read twilight as soon as i reached home, OMG it's so addictive.

I finished the three books yesterday afternoon when i decided i should try my luck at Tesco's popular. I rushed into the store and looked around and i saw the final book Breaking Dawn.
When i finally reached home, i sat down and started to read and read and read. Halfway through the book i finally realized that it was already 3 am. And i had to wake up early to settle sum stuff.

So i decided to sleep but i woke up at 4.30 am startled by a sound only to realized that it was one of my black kitten that had sneaked into my room. Damn it, no matter how hard i tried i could not go back to sleep so i continued reading Breaking Dawn and i actually finished the book by 7.30 am. Cool right? Just in time to get ready for the meeting. I was in such a high.. *smiles*

I was fresh all through the meeting but it was only around 1.30 pm when i had lunch with my bie at MMU that i suddenly felt tired and slighly dizzy. After lunch, i raced home and before my head could hit my pillow i was already dreaming of vampires, shape shifters, and the one and only Edward Cullen. Haha....

It was only after dinner that i realized i had finish the while series in 4 days with my busy schedule. Hmm... if only my textbooks could be so interesting.. Damn.. *winks*
I think i'm a bit obsess with the twilight series. After i read twilight, i realized that the movie didn't do it justice but luckily i have a vivid imagination so i was very happy with my version of the movie in my head. *winks*

To all fiction fans as myself, this series is definately worth the money. Just wished i could have bought them earlier.

xoxo
Jessica

The Measure of a Man by Sidney Poitier

Well, this book was published in 2000 so i'm 9 years late.
However, this book remains timeless. It's an memoir of his life and career.
This memoir reveals his childhood years in Cat Island, his respect and love for his parents.
How they influenced him in becoming how he is today.
How he knew his self worth and sense of right and wrong by the age of fifteen.
How he overcome the racial barrier and became the first ever black actor to gain widespread acceptance by audiences of all races purely for his acting ability and screen presence.
This life changing memoir captures the essence of Sidney Poitier and it has inspired many people disregarding race, color and religion.


This memoir inspired me to live life to the fullest with integrity.
This life that was given to me is full of possibilities and i strive harder to live my life with values such as forgiveness, integrity and faith.
I may be different but I have learned through this book that it does not matter what other people think I am but what i think of myself that truly matters.
Normally, I am a person that enjoys fiction however this memoir is brings meaning and inspires me therefore by sharing this memoir i hope that other people may gain from this.

This is a quote by Sidney Poitier,
"I never had an occasion to question color, therefore, I only saw myself as what I was... a human being"

Kiss From A Rose by Seal

There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea.
You became the light on the dark side of me.
Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill.

But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and
The light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.
Ooh,
The more I get of you,
The stranger it feels, yeah.
And now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the gray.

There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain,
My power, my pleasure, my pain, baby
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny.
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby?

But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.
Ooh, the more I get of you
The stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom.
A light hits the gloom on the gray,

I've been kissed by a rose on the gray,
I've been kissed by a rose
I've been kissed by a rose on the gray,
...And if I should fall along the way
I've been kissed by a rose
...been kissed by a rose on the gray.

There is so much a man can tell you,
So much he can say.
You remain
My power, my pleasure, my pain.
To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah
Won't you tell me is that healthy, baby.

But did you know,
That when it snows,
My eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen.

Baby,
I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray.
Ooh, the more I get of you
The stranger it feels, yeah
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the gray.

Yes I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray
Ooh, the more I get of you
The stranger it feels, yeah
And now that your rose is in bloom
A light hits the gloom on the gray
Now that your rose is in bloom,
A light hits the gloom on the gray.