Withdrawal~

I'm going through withdrawal. I try to block it out by distracting myself with many things, tv shows, fb games, silly humour. It's getting worst with each passing day. It's not a good time for me to be experiencing this though. I have my finals but i can't focus, can't bring myself to study, i just feel so broken inside. It's supposed to get better. I made the correct decision. It had to end. We were just going around in circles and it was time to let go. We both need to experience new things well at least i know i need too. It was so hard cutting the strings, to let go a huge part of me, that has been by my side through thick and thin. We had many ups and downs which are normal in a relationship but somehow it just didn't work for me anymore. I was not perfect in the relationship but neither were you. Honestly speaking, i don't think i even want the perfect guy. Imagine how hard would it be to live up to the standards. I just need to be alone to fix me. 

Truth being told, i'm broken. I'm a lost sheep wondering alone in the dark without my shepherd. A sparrow with a broken wing. A guitar without strings. Wondering aimlessly in life, unable to find a purpose for existing. I am 24 years old this year and still i have no idea what i want to do in life. There must be a reason why i'm here right? 

And yet, i was being a hypocrite. Pretending i had everything figured out while i stood by your side judging and criticizing you. Urging you to better yourself while i acted as if nothing was wrong. As if i had it all figured out and was just waiting for you. Guess i'm a better actress than i thought. Maybe i should pick up drama. yeah right. 

Conclusion is i'm broken and there's only one person who can fix me. I'm the only one who can fix me, i need to love myself first before i can even start loving others. It's a long journey and i'm not 100% sure that i'll make it. I'll just have to wait and see.

*To you know who, it's very unlikely that you will read this but i need you to let go. Let go so i can be free. You deserve so much better than a self centered, manipulative person. Go find someone sweet and kind, someone who is a match with you. I need you to move on so i can stop feeling guilty for hurting you by letting you go. This is my last selfish request of you. You'll always have a special part inside of me but it's just not meant to be*

Till next time~
*today's lollipop flavour is peach*  

Passion?

Determination, motivation, two crucial factors that help shape our life. This is what i have been told over and over for as long as i can remember. Strive for something, achieve something. But don't you have to be passionate about something to actually be motivated and determined to strive for something? Doesn't it come hand in hand with motivation? You have the passion for something that's why you're motivated and are determined to achieve what you are passionate about.

My dad has always said that passion will follow later on in life. When you set down a road, you will learn to love it, learn to be passionate about it. I know my own faults, i don't blame anyone but myself on the current path that i'm now dwindling on. Was there something i could have done differently? Most certainly. Is it too late? Definitely. So what i need to do now is to accept the facts and try as hard as possible to finish this road and hopefully start on another path, this time of my own choosing. I tell myself that everyday but somehow i can't seem to get motivated.

I need a way to motivate myself. I've tried telling myself that if i finish this then i'll be able to do whatever i want. Truth be told, i don't even feel like finishing. I just wanna pack my bags and go backpacking around the world. Maybe it these thoughts that are filing my head make it harder for me to be motivated.

maybe all these are just excuses for my laziness.. who knows? *winks*


See yah~
*today's lollipop flavour is watermelon*