Passion?

Determination, motivation, two crucial factors that help shape our life. This is what i have been told over and over for as long as i can remember. Strive for something, achieve something. But don't you have to be passionate about something to actually be motivated and determined to strive for something? Doesn't it come hand in hand with motivation? You have the passion for something that's why you're motivated and are determined to achieve what you are passionate about.

My dad has always said that passion will follow later on in life. When you set down a road, you will learn to love it, learn to be passionate about it. I know my own faults, i don't blame anyone but myself on the current path that i'm now dwindling on. Was there something i could have done differently? Most certainly. Is it too late? Definitely. So what i need to do now is to accept the facts and try as hard as possible to finish this road and hopefully start on another path, this time of my own choosing. I tell myself that everyday but somehow i can't seem to get motivated.

I need a way to motivate myself. I've tried telling myself that if i finish this then i'll be able to do whatever i want. Truth be told, i don't even feel like finishing. I just wanna pack my bags and go backpacking around the world. Maybe it these thoughts that are filing my head make it harder for me to be motivated.

maybe all these are just excuses for my laziness.. who knows? *winks*


See yah~
*today's lollipop flavour is watermelon*  

Decision making~

I bet all of us have had to make decisions that will change the rest of our lives. 
How do you know whether the decision u made was the correct one?
What if you realised that you made the wrong choice but it's too late to change your mind?
Because sometimes the decision we made are often linked with others and indirectly change their life too. A decision made has a ripple effect and it's not easy undoing it. Can you live with yourself knowing that you made the wrong decision? In reality there's no such thing as a magic wand or a time machine that will allow you to go back into time. Therefore making important decisions requires time to think each decision thoroughly. Although it is hard as we seldom have a clear vision regarding the aftermath of our decisions. We always believe that we know all the events that will happen in regards to our decisions but life doesn't work that way. We are unable to foresee all that will happen. 

That's why when i'm faced with a decision, i usually take a lot of time. I sit and brood, spend a few days thinking about it. Talk to different people to get their different views. Someone once told me that by doing this i was inflicting more stress upon myself and told me to just follow my instincts. Why make life so much more difficult that it already is? I sat there listening quietly wondering whether he was right. Maybe i was over thinking it, maybe just maybe i should make decisions on what felt right at the moment. No more thinking about the consequences, no more having to wait a few days for my decision. But somehow, in the back of my mind, i wonder if he had misunderstood me. I wasn't talking about minor decisions that will have a slight impact, as a matter of fact, i was talking about major decisions that will have a huge impact. How can one make these decisions based on what felt right at the moment? Especially decisions that will effect others, don't we need to take them into consideration? 

When i'm faced with making a decision, i need people to let me be and don't push me. I'm a pushover and am easily influence to follow if not given the necessary time and space. I realised that i have done the exact same thing regarding a decision i made not too long ago. I'm determined to take back the rein and set him free. I just hope that i stay strong and not crumble like those other times that i have before. It's a selfish thing to do by holding on to him and as my bestie told me "A clean break is key".


Until next time~
*today's lollipop flavour is cheery*  

Old page, new me~

I've come to realised that i have missed blogging and have decided to come back to it. There's just something about this that lures me in. A thrill in knowing that there a chance, a tiny speck of hope that someone out there is reading and understands what i'm going through. I have come to learn that i socialise better with virtual friends and i'm still socially awkward around people. Does that mean i have a disability? Well, that's a story for another time. 

I must admit, looking back at my much older post i sometime cringe at the things that i wrote. However that was who i was, a part of me that will never go away. No matter how much i whined, complained, i was actually pretty lucky as a matter of fact. I have people who loved me and that's actually not too bad compared to others. I now realise that i often compared myself with those who were more fortunate than me. Is it in one's nature to always want more than what we have? 

Now 2 years have passed and i must say that my life has changed, not drastically but with a significant impact. I've learned to forgive and forget. I'm still very judgmental but i'm working on that. Still socially awkward but not as bad as i used to be. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet instead of constantly leaning on someone. I still fall down but it feels good to stand up on my own but i'm still in training wheels. There's still a part of me that won't let go of the old me. I still hold on to the one thing that ties me back to my old life. Am i'm holding on to him because i'm scared i may never find someone again or is it something else? 

As you can see, i still have many issues to sort out in my life and it feels good to air them all out but i guess this is somewhat similar as "Airing my dirty laundry in public" but it's liberating and this gives me some pleasure and release. 

Peace out~

*today's lollipop flavor is apple*