I've come to realised that i have missed blogging and have decided to come back to it. There's just something about this that lures me in. A thrill in knowing that there a chance, a tiny speck of hope that someone out there is reading and understands what i'm going through. I have come to learn that i socialise better with virtual friends and i'm still socially awkward around people. Does that mean i have a disability? Well, that's a story for another time.
I must admit, looking back at my much older post i sometime cringe at the things that i wrote. However that was who i was, a part of me that will never go away. No matter how much i whined, complained, i was actually pretty lucky as a matter of fact. I have people who loved me and that's actually not too bad compared to others. I now realise that i often compared myself with those who were more fortunate than me. Is it in one's nature to always want more than what we have?
Now 2 years have passed and i must say that my life has changed, not drastically but with a significant impact. I've learned to forgive and forget. I'm still very judgmental but i'm working on that. Still socially awkward but not as bad as i used to be. I'm trying to stand on my own two feet instead of constantly leaning on someone. I still fall down but it feels good to stand up on my own but i'm still in training wheels. There's still a part of me that won't let go of the old me. I still hold on to the one thing that ties me back to my old life. Am i'm holding on to him because i'm scared i may never find someone again or is it something else?
As you can see, i still have many issues to sort out in my life and it feels good to air them all out but i guess this is somewhat similar as "Airing my dirty laundry in public" but it's liberating and this gives me some pleasure and release.
Peace out~
*today's lollipop flavor is apple*
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