New layout!

Since someone commented that my previous layout looked goth and emo so i decided to cheer it up a little. Then i realized that blog spot has a new design template which is quite easy to use especially for poor color coordinated people like myself. ;-p

I found this layout which is quite cute and like it very much. Paws.. ^.^ I was a bit disappointed when they didn't have lollipops which will go well with my blog title but this works just fine.

So i know i haven't been blogging recently (been kinda busy with a new sem) and the previous posts were kinda negatives so hopefully with a change of scenery may cheer up my blog. I have lots to say but if i say it here i may have to censor some things out as they may hurt people so i'll just go with the flow and see where it takes me.

So i guess that's all for now. Will try to keep it updated but no promises... (*winks*)

Ps: is it me or is my blog bigger somehow? lolz...

drowning but still holding on.... barely...

I feel i'm in the wrong line,

i've never liked maths, calculations, or even 2+2....

and yet here i am doing the thing i have to do, supposed to do.

I'm in a sinking ship still trying to hold on, but now i'm wondering should i just let go?

Will it be difficult?

Will i regret this decision?

What if a rescue boat comes a second too late?

It's only a decision, a simple one i've been told,

however it is one that will not only change my life

but practically affect the lives of everyone around me.

If i were to decide what my heart decides,

will i be selfish?

will i be cruel?

Some may say it's a difficult decision to make,

some say it's an easy one.

Just follow ur heart, ur dreams, ur imagination.

I'm afraid it's not that simple...

oh, how i wish it was.

You have no idea how badly i wish it would be simple,

if only you had an inkling of how i felt...

I've been pushing this issue far behind in my mind until it had to jump in my face and say i'm still here....

...Deal with me it said....

As i've mention, if only it were that easy....

I often wonder what life would be like.....

If i had chosen differently,

stood by my decision instead of bending like a willow tree...

so pathetic, such a disgrace...

If only i had stayed true to myself,

alas, it can only be a dream.... out of my grasp no matter how high or far i reach for it.

Believe me, i've tried... and only succeeding in failure.

I've always been fond of reading, writing, ever since i was a young lass...

How could u have not seen that?

wasn't it obvious enough?

My collection of books?

My diary full of short stories and poems?

Lyrics and songs?

To talk of such things, it is a taboo...

never to be mention, spoken, nor even thought upon...

like a fairytale, of dragons and demons or witchcraft...

only to be enjoyed upon never to be taken seriously...

But alas, what's the use of thinking better yet mentioning these thoughts aloud?

It's over, finish, finito, fin....

It will have to be erased from my mind, from my thoughts, and from my soul...

As i once heard, nobody said it would be easy...

Yet, i still wonder what would i've done if i knew then what i know now?

As a line of lyric taken from one of my favorite song:

"if we could only turn back time, but i guess we'll never know"

Time After Time

Nice Song. I love the lyrics and i'm trying to learn the strumming patterns for it. Wish me luck. *smiles*

Time after Time by Cyndi Lauper

Lying in my bed I hear the clock tick,
And think of you
Caught up in circles confusion -
Is nothing new
Flashback - warm nights -
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories,
Time after -

Sometimes you picture me -
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said -
Then you say - go slow -
I fall behind -
The second hand unwinds

Chorus:
If you're lost you can look - and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you - I'll be waiting
Time after time

Repeat Chorus

After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows - you're wondering
If I'm O.K.
Secrets stolen from deep inside
The drum beats out of time -

Chorus

You said go slow -
I fall behind
The second hand unwinds

Chorus
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time
Time after time

Love love love it!!! hehe...

My love...

Love ~ is it all it's cranks up to be?

How can it go from sweet to sour with just a few words?
Can that special person really bring out the best in you?
If that someone is so special then why can they be replaced?
If they were taken away suddenly, will we drown in tears?


I've heard many people say that they are very in love and will not part,
How can that be, I wonder quietly in the silence of the night sky.
As the moon shone brightly in the sky surrounded by her partners, the stars,
It was precisely at that moment when it all dawn on me like a meteor shower.


I wanted to feel what love was like, wanted desperately to feel what they felt,
Wondering how it would feel having his arms around me for the very first time,
Would it be warm, would i feel safe in your arms, would i ever want you to let me go,
For the first time in my life could i trust and love someone else than myself?


Surrounded by all these thoughts, all these feelings that were all new to me,
I laid back on the smooth, soft green grass and gazed into the wondrous night,
It just so happened that i was greeted by a wishing star shooting through the night sky,
I closed my eyes and made a wish, a wish so pure as it came sincerely from my heart.


His image floated through my mind,
His captivating smile, his hazel brown eyes,
It was then when i realized that he was the one,
My knight in shinning armor, my prince on a white horse.

This was something that i wrote a long long time ago.
Was looking through my old posts and discovered this.
It's sappy and quite common but i love what it represents
and i hold this closely to my heart.

Love you lots baby!

My sis's b'day...

Last Sunday, we celebrated my eldest sis's 30th b'day.
We though it would be special if we cooked a three course meal for her as she has always been the one preparing our meals.
However, most of the cooking was courtesy of Chef Jamus Teo. hehe...
I can cook but i can guarantee that my end result will not be as nice as his. :-p

My bro was our waiter for the night. hehe...
So for the 1st course we prepared a home made salad, even the dressing was home made!
Was not bad and for the second course we had kebabs and bacon cream cheese skewers. Mouthwatering... hehe...
For the main course we had grilled chicken with cream mushroom sauce... it was to die for...
Although due to some technicalities on my part, the chicken was a bit too oriental for the sauce.
My bad but it was superb anyway.
For dessert, i made a strawberry cheesecake which thank goodness was one of the best cheesecake i've ever made... However the best was yet to come...

After we've eaten, my dad asked me to give my sis her present and guess what we bought her?
A E72 nokia phone. Damn nice wei. Looks like a blackberry. hehe...
My dad actually gave me a RM 800 budget but becky and i thought we should chip in and buy her a better phone as she is a lawyer... I even got my brother to chip it RM 60! *smiles*
My sis actually cried when she saw the phone, she was so touched!
Little did she know, on her actual b'day which was on Wednesday, she told me that her bf of 9 years also bought her a hand phone. Oh my, should have synchronized with him...
Never mind though, i hope they came up with a solution though. hehe...

Overall it was very fun and it brought my family members closer and gave Jamus a chance to show off his skills. I was very proud of him when my family members sang his praises. hehe...
At least i know that he is accepted in my family which is a huge relief for me. :-)

So that's that. Until next time.... Adios...

New things in my life...

My my, it has been so long since i wrote anything here. hehe...
There goes my new year resolution.
Damn it's always like this,
I sit down figure out the things i want to do,
Things to achieve, but i never stick to it.
Lack of motivation? Laziness?
I suppose it's a large glass of laziness with a sprinkle of procrastination.

I know i have to change but it's definitely easier said than done.
I have a very easy life, a good family, good education,
But it seems like i'm just throwing it all away,
Do i appreciate all the things in my life?
Of course i do!
However, most of the time i feel like i need more.
I admit it, i crave for more.

More from my loving family,
More from my loving boyfriend,
More from my caring friends,
Damn, i sound like an ungrateful brat... *sighs*
And i hate it!

Is there a cure for me?
Am i a lost ship waiting for a lighthouse to guide me home?
Or am i a sinking ship being ripped apart bit by bit by the strong current?
Great, now i sound whiny... *sighs*

Hmm... reading back on what i've just wrote,
I've just realized that no matter how good my life is,
If i do not learn to appreciate it, sooner or later it will all disappear.
I've got to get a hold of my self and as my dad used to say to me,
Pull my socks up and look forward and overcome all these feelings inside of me.